Looking for some input…

Over the past several weeks I have found myself revisiting why I started this blog and where I want to take it moving forward. As a refresher, I went back to my first few blog posts and was immediately reminded of my why. 

The reason I started this blog was because when our family moved to San Antonio two years ago we had to work very hard to support one another through the transition. We faced many obstacles and challenges we never thought possible and couldn’t find a help manual to accompany the transition 🙂 . We also didn’t have much of a support network and as a result, had to rely on a lot books, online articles and such to help us find our way. 

Through these experiences and as life continues to play out for us, we’ve learned many valuable lessons and devised a number of strategies to help us work through these challenges. As such, I became inspired to share our journey and learnings with others. My hope was that I could provide a platform where other families could learn from our experiences and be inspired to take action in their own lives when and where needed. 

The name Strong.Kind.Minds. came to me as my husband and I were working through some issues our older daughter was facing at school. My goal was to help her find a place of stillness where she could better reflect and connect with herself, and to help her develop more self-confidence, be more open-minded to the world around her and to always look at every situation with love and positivity no matter what others might say or do. 

What we discovered through this process is the following:

1. We all need to be strong (physically, mentally and emotionally) to become the best version of ourselves.
2. We all need to be kind. We need to be kind to ourselves and to others. This means taking the time for ourselves, so that we can in turn take care of and help others because kindness truly does make the world go ‘round. 
3. We all need to be mindful and live with purpose so we can make better decisions, be better people and have a positive impact on the world around us. 

And, what I’ve come to realize is that despite a gap in my writing over the last year, the purpose of Strong.Kind.Minds. remains the same: To help parents and children adopt the practices that will help them deal successfully with what they’ll inevitably face in life.

In the coming months, I will be working closely with my husband on a special project that I believe will bring everything full circle, but in the meantime I NEED YOUR HELP and would love to get your input on the following:

1. What topics related to helping children currently interest you? 
2. Is there any specific area of raising children or working with children that you would like more information about?

I am looking for a broad range of ideas here so no idea is too big or small! 

If you’re interested in helping me out, feel free to comment down below or you can shoot me an email at strongkindminds@gmail.com.

You have no idea how appreciative I am for each of you and I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Marisa
Xo

#strongkindminds

Choosing to be kind

 “A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.” -Amelia Earhart

Over the past few weeks I have been running a yoga series for a group of children in our community. The theme of last week’s class was “I am Kind.” We focused on what it means to be kind and how to bring kindness into the world through our actions and words. During class, we all took turns sharing our thoughts with one another, I couldn’t help but feel this magical energy in the room. 

Each child had the opportunity to reflect on a moment in time where they either treated someone unkindly or weren’t treated with kindness themselves, and shared what they felt a world full of kindness would look like. Here’s what some of them had to say:

• No one would feel excluded or alone.
• People would smile all the time.
• Everyone would help everyone.
• The world would be a better place.

If the world were like this, it would be a better place, wouldn’t it? But that’s not the world we live in, and we need to make sure our children are equipped to deal with the unkindness in the world, and to respond with unkindness with kindness when it inevitably happens.

The “Magic Ratio” of Kindness 

I always tell my students that being kind is something we have to choose to do. We cannot choose how others treat us, but we can choose how to treat them. If other people treat us in a way that hurts or harms, we can choose to echo this behavior or seek to change it and do better. Also, the more we choose to be kind the more likely those around us will choose to be kind too. 

Many studies have shown that multiple positive interactions with one person can actually make-up for any negative interactions. Relationship expert John Gottman developed what’s called the “Magic Ratio,” after discovering that the difference between happy and unhappy couples in a relationship is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict. He found there is a very specific ratio that makes love last, which can also be applied to acts of kindness. This magical ratio is 5:1, meaning that for every 1 negative interaction, it takes 5 positive interactions to overcome that 1 negative moment.

That’s a lot of positivity we as humans need and understandably so. We thrive on the need for positive interactions on a emotional, physical and spiritual level, otherwise, we struggle to cope. And, when applying the “magic ratio” to kindness, it’s apparent that we need to constantly surround ourselves and project positivity into the world. We must always strive to choose kindness and look at everything in life through the lens of love. 

Side Effects of Kindness

Looking a life through the lens of love is something I strive to inspire within my students and daughters because when we do this, we become present to life and create a positive energy that is felt both within ourselves and among those around us.

Kindness has so many wonderful benefits, not only for the receiver but also for the giver. Some of the scientifically proven positive effects of kindness, include:

• Increases in the “love hormone” oxytocin;
• Higher self-esteem;
• More optimistic outlook on life;
• Increased energy;
• Increased happiness;
• Longer life expectancy; and
• Less stress & anxiety, to name a few. 

Practicing Kindness

One of the most effective ways for us to teach children how to be kind is to simply model it. Whether through gesture, choosing kind words or teaching them about empathy, it all starts with us.

When I asked my students how they might put kindness into action in their lives, here’s what some of them had to say:

• I would stand up for someone if they were being bullied.
• I would play with someone if they were alone at recess.
• I would help my mom more.
• I would give more hugs.

It occurred to me as I was listening to them that kindness needn’t be a grand gesture to make a difference. Sometimes a simple act can be just as or even more effective. 

Self Care

My students and I also discussed how kindness isn’t just about how we treat others – kindness is also about how we treat ourselves. The practice of self-care plays an important role in our physical and emotional well being. Taking time to care for ourselves whether through daily exercise, practicing yoga, spending time with loved ones or eating well for example, helps to develop positivity within ourselves. And, when we feel good on the inside, we project this outwardly. Those around us can feel it too, which ulitimately brings more kindness and positivity into our lives.

#strongkindminds

Sources:

1. The Art of Raising Kind Kids
2. The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science
3. The Science of Kindness

Why we need empathy and kindess more than ever

Last Thursday I attended a lunch n’ learn about cyberbullying and to say it made an impact on me would be an understatement. The event was hosted by ACMB and SA Charter Moms, and the keynote speaker was a woman by the name of Maurine Molak. Maurine’s story made national headlines just a little over three years ago, when on January 4, 2016, her youngest son David took his own life after repeated cyberbullying. He was only 16 years old. 

Maurine shared her story with us and spoke candidly about the events leading up to that fateful day. She shared her regrets, the extremely hard lessons she’s learned, and more importantly what she and her family are doing to help ensure this doesn’t happen again. 

Since’s David’s death the Molak family has worked tirelessly to bring awareness to the issue of Cyberbullying, including working with lawmakers to create S.B. 179 David’s Law and creating David’s Legacy Foundation, which is dedicated to ending on and offline bullying.  

So many feelings and questions emerged within me as Maurine spoke: How could we as a society let this happen? What can I do to help? What if this was me? How do I protect my own children from ever having to experience this?

And then it hit me.

All at once I became fully aware of how the circumstances surrounding David’s death could easily translate into similar experiences for my own daughters and their peers one day down the road. I realized in that moment I may never be able to fully protect them from being bullied.

There’s no escaping the fact that one day my girls will have their own cell phones and social media accounts. There’s no escaping what other people might say or do on social media or elsewhere. There’s simply no escaping it. This is the world we live in and so, now more than ever we need to teach our children to be responsible with their actions, choices and words, and teach them to see situations from other people’s point of view.

Growing Strong.Kind.Minds.

Ever since my girls were little my husband and I have instilled in them that they have the power to withstand any obstacle or challenge that comes their way. And, while they may not always be able to control certain situations or people’s behaviors, they can control how they respond and react to them. Part of learning how to do this has involved teaching them to emotionally self-regulate and raising them to be empathetic people. 

Many studies have shown that children with good self-regulation and empathy skills are more likely to be successful in school, have stronger connections to adults and other children, are able to stand up for themselves and others, and make overall better life decisions. Without these skills, children can struggle with impulsive and inappropriate behavior that can continue into their teens and adulthood. Bullying is just one example of this type of behaviour. 

How we teach our children isn’t something that can be easily put into a checklist (trust me I tried), but with a tween on our hands and another in the making, teaching empathy and self-regulation is something my husband and I are strongly committed to. It’s a work in progress, but we have discovered that a lot of our own teachings have come through by way of taking action on certain situations, talking about feelings (ours and others), and making a choice to live every day with a Strong.Kind.Mind.

We are all born with the capacity to be empathetic, but it is a skill that needs to be developed, and while the capacity to learn empathy can vary from person-to-person, the sooner we can inspire it in children, the better. 

Sources:

How to teach your Kids empathy

Six things you need to know about empathy

Children and empathy: Self-regulation skills

Why Strong.Kind.Minds.

Yesterday was my youngest daughter’s 8th birthday. I don’t know how that happened or where the time has gone, but I’ve got all the feels today and find myself reflecting on the craziness that has been my life over the past 18 months. 

Here’s why…

Nearly two years ago to the day, the opportunity to move my husband’s business down to San Antonio arose, and it was something we knew we had to jump on. It was literally one of those “once in a lifetime opportunities,” that we just couldn’t refuse. 

When we finally made the move, my eldest daughter was eight years old and my youngest was six. We were told they were at the perfect age for a move of this proportion and that the adjustment period would be minimal. 

If all of that was true, we must have been the exception to the rule. 

The transition for my older daughter was a lot harder than I had expected. She was the kid who had no one to play with at recess; who never got invitations for playdates, sleepovers and birthday parties; and she only made one good friend after a few months of moving here, only for that friend to turn her back on her several times. She was the kid the mean girls made of. She was “that” kid and it killed me.

As a parent, all you want is for your child to be happy and adjusted in their life, and we felt like we had failed her.

At the time, I remember thinking how selfish it was of us to have uprooted our daughters and move them to another country, far way from everything and everyone that was familiar to them.

The guilt felt endless, but as with most challenging situations in life, we found the silver lining and what we believe is an opportunity to help other people too.

STRONG.KIND.MINDS.

The idea of Strong.Kind.Minds. came to me as we were working through an issue with our older daughter.

We had applied a number of key lessons we had learned from various books and blogs, as well as my yoga teaching background.

The goal was to help her find a place of stillness where she could reflect and better connect with herself, which in turn would translate into more self-confidence, being more open minded and learning to love despite what other people might say or do.

What came out of our experience so far is this:

You need strength (physically, mentally and emotionally) to become the person you want to be. It takes great strength to lead and be the example. It means that you never give-up – even in the face of adversity – always moving forward, never looking back.

You need to be kind to yourself and others. It is important to take time for and to care for ourselves, so that we can in turn take care of and help others. Kindness truly makes the world go ‘round.

You need to be mindful and live with purpose. When we are mindful of our words and actions, we can make a positive impact on the world around us. We can make better decisions and are better people.

We are living in challenging times – especially for children. Without the right mindset or tools, life can get very difficult, very quickly.

What that strength looks like and where it comes from can be difficult to navigate in children, which is why I am inspired to share what I’m learning in my own journey as a parent with you.

Up next…

I’ll be scouring the world for the latest research on how to help children grow up with Strong Kind Minds, and sharing what I find with you here.

I hope it helps you and your family as much as it’s helping ours.